#42 - Dying

It's the second day without you.

Life is, horrible.
With the endless thoughts, it's like I've fallen into a bottomless pit.
Dying a little inside as I fall further, and further.
Away from the hopes,
Away from the belief.

I'm worrying.
About your safety.
About your feelings.
About your environment.
About what's happening.
About your promises.
About disappointments.
There's just so much..
But what you showed me tonight was just,
Wrong.
I'm feeling so, SO, insecure.
I'm so scared.
I'm so afraid.
Disappointments, time and again.
No, I don't want that.
Am I asking for too much?
Tell me if I am.
This feeling I have now,
Is just so,
Indescribable.

My mind, my body,
Tell me to give up.
Tell me to stop caring about certain stuffs.
So that it wouldn't hurt so bad anymore.
But whenever I adhere,
My heart aches as if it's slapping me in my chest instead of my face.
It's stopping me, repeatedly.
I only have one cure for this,
And that's you.
Save me,
Help me.
Prove to me,
Prove my thoughts and instincts wrong.
Would you?
Please?

I know that I'm different from other guys out there.
I'm a hell lotta trouble,
But in a good way if one can withstand.
I'm sensitive,
I care a lot.
I'm emotional,
I feel a lot.
I go the extra mile to make my girl happy.
Not to boast or whatever but,
If you're with me long enough,
I guess things are obvious.
Of course,
Everyone ain't perfect.
I'm a hell of a over-thinking bastard.
I know.
It annoys people,
It irritates people,
It agitates people,
It frustrates people.
But, it just shows that I care, so much.
Everything would've been fine if I'm attended to appropriately.
And after that I myself would give people the way they deserve to be treated.
Think about it,
How many of the same species,
That genuinely gives their best to care,
Are left out there.
Cherish what you have,
Learn to live with the flaws.
Change it,
Else, learn to love it.
It takes two hands to clap.
If one's willing to do so,
I'm more than willing to comply.

Gosh, sorry for the rant.
I'm just tired I guess.
Or rather, exhausted by now.
Was almost late this morning,
Luckily I made it in time.
It's been a really short day as well.
Nothing much in school as well,
Just completed a few things and got more things to do.
Ended school at approx 1pm.

Went to Grassroots Club's western restaurant and ate with bros.
Service sucks, Food commendable.
I'd choose not to go there again because of the service I guess.
Then stoned at the resting area in the lobby for 1 long hour.
Been attached to this game on phone,

MonStar Fishing
Quite an interestingly new concept for fishing games.
Combined with the usual card games/gem games features they have on iOS.
Pretty much fun with the heavy competition among players.

DragGems is an ideal gem game for strategically inclined people as well.
Do check it out, it's pretty fun.

It started pouring by then,
Went back to school for Open House Briefing.
It was hilarious,
Tried to be the joker of the day.
Turned out great.
Ended at 4:30pm approximately,
And went home straight after.
Did nothing but texted my girl till 7pm plus,
When she vanished.
Then I decided to take a nap till 10pm.
Played a bit with Giggs,
Then stopped and stare to wait for her news again.
Which took pretty long.
3 long hours,
Of anticipation, worry, hurt, misses, sdlkfaslfksl;dafksd.
Whatever you can think of.
Then things happened again and again,
And she needed to go off early.
Didn't talk much.
Really hope that I can get a fresh,
Assuring and Firm piece from her soon.
It doesn't feel good at all having your other half leave your grasp.
Totally out of your control.
Aish.

It's 2.20am now,
I should get going.
Thank you for reading my rants.
Aye.
Have a great night guys,
Sayo.

Signing Off.